losing track of why we started

So, it’s confession time, and it’s as much a confession to myself as it is to you.

I have been having difficulty with sitting down and writing for the blog.

It’s not that I haven’t been keeping up on my readings this year.  Surprisingly enough, I’m on schedule. Which I find remarkable, considering we just finished Leviticus today.

Actually, I have to give a lot of credit for my consistency to my friend Luna who writes over at My Jar of Rocks.  She has joined me in a journey through the Bible this year using bible:365, and the company has been greatly valued.  She has been my accountability in this journey, checking in regularly, asking where I am in my reading, if I’m on track with my goals. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever had accountability like this; any “accountability partner” I’ve had in the past has always started out with great intentions, but the execution was always lacking. So, as it turns out, real, consistent accountability does work!

But, back to my confession.

At first I thought my writer’s block was related to the reading.  How can I find something of interest to write about in Leviticus?  The subject wasn’t sparking any brilliant notions, so I figured there was nothing there to write on.

Then today I was reading through my blogroll, and came across Jon Acuff’s post, “Forgetting that you are famous.”

In it he talks about the explosive growth of his blog, and how he came to a point of admitting to God that fame was something he desired.

When God speaks, it’s often equal parts awesome and painful.  Awesome, because the God of the universe has deemed me important enough to pass along a message.  Painful, because that message is usually shining light into my darkness.

Turns out, I had lost track of why I started this blog.

The primary purpose of this blog was for me to work through what God is teaching me.

Secondary was the hope those lessons would be of some use to others on the journey, and that conversations might begin that would be sources of strength and support.

Somewhere along the way I got those two priorities switched.  I didn’t want to write a post because I thought it wouldn’t be interesting or engaging enough for other people.

I had thoughts throughout the readings: ideas, questions. But they seemed too jumbled, too disjointed, to make into great posts.  So I just moved on.

So there’s my confession: I allowed the publicness of the blog to influence my writing decisions.

I wanted to look brilliant and insightful.

Who am I kidding, I still want to look brilliant and insightful.

I suppose this means I struggle with the sin of pride.

Or is it wrong to want to look good? At what point does wanting your work to be excellent turn from producing quality work, to pride?

Maybe it’s when your focus moves from the work, to what other people will think of it.

So, we come back to humility.  What does it mean to be humble?  How does humility overcome pride?

Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted. – Matthew 23:12

This is a tough one, because it’s a hard one to pin down; sins of the heart are much more difficult to identify and overcome than actions.  Thank God for the grace found in Jesus Christ.

At what point does taking pride in your work become a sin?  How do we let humility win in our lives?  Have you ever lost track of why you started?


One thought on “losing track of why we started

  1. Such good questions and ones we all struggle with. When I question whether or not I’m struggling with pride, I have to dig deep and be honest about my motivation. Am I wanting others to say, “Ohhhhh she’s so right!” (or funny or whatever) When I focus on what I’m learning and sharing that with others, being humble about my lack of having it all together, that seems to provide the cracks in my ego for God to shine through. He wants us to be good with the gifts he’s given us and as long as we remember where they came from and who we are to serve with those gifts, we’re on the right path. Thank you for being honest and vulnerable.

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